Rebuilding Bridges After a Collaborative Breakdown

What happens when two parties attack each other, arguing their points, even pointing out how stupid or ill-informed the other side’s arguments are?

There’s typically perceived conflict, us-and-them thinking, and concern over whether there ever can be a way for them to unite or see eye to eye.

They can, of course — but it’s often difficult and it doesn’t happen overnight. Feathers are often ruffled, people feel unheard and disrespected, resulting in a plethora of emotions like pain, anger, sadness, fear and frustration.

This happens at work, in sports, in families, in politics — anywhere where there are people involved. To bring people together after a divisive (and emotional) situation, some key things need to happen.

Ignite Willingness

A willingness to reunite and find a compromise is a must. This may not be evident, so someone needs to take the initiative on discussion. As a result, people who are reluctant see that it is possible to come together, build bridges and find solutions. Listen to people’s concerns. When people feel heard, they are more likely to be willing to listen themselves.

Shared Vision

Find a shared vision or goal. This is not just a step, but a powerful tool to unite and align everyone involved. Ask: What do we have in common? What do we want to achieve? Encourage discussion around this and help facilitate discovery of what people can agree on and share responsibility for.

Take Charge

Someone, generally a formal leader (or a strong informal leader who has the trust of others), needs to show the way and set a vision. In times of uncertainty, people tend to want to be led toward a goal and shown the path to get there. This leadership is crucial in guiding the process and instilling confidence among the team.

Assume Positive Intent

Be prepared to think that people probably did the best they could. Consider that people didn’t set out to annoy, insult or overlook. Remember that when strong emotions are involved, those emotions can hijack people’s behaviors, causing them to say things that aren’t necessarily a true reflection of themselves.

Get Practical

Once people are willing to sit down and discuss — and when emotions have abated — start getting practical:

• Determine the actions you will take to move toward the shared vision and goal
• Decide individual responsibilities and how people will be held accountable
• Figure out how success will be measured, and the benchmarks for success
• Get going — move into action.

Build a Sense of Pride

Everyone needs to know that what they do makes a difference; that’s human nature. Along with being heard and wanting to add value, we want to feel part of something that is bigger than just ourselves.

Feeling connected and proud of what we are doing is crucial when it comes to reconstruction. Begin by focusing on strengths and the things that are working well. What can the team be proud of? What have you done to take pride in? It’s about small things as well as the big ones. Always be mindful of things to celebrate and feel good about.

Tap Into Your Emotional Intelligence

When there’s conflict, emotions are always at play. And when emotions are involved, people need to feel heard and that their concerns are understood and respected. That’s the foundation when building bridges.

This is where emotional intelligence is of vital importance, fostering understanding and empathy. If people don’t feel heard, differences cannot be easily overcome. They may pretend or think that they have been heard, but the more likely result is bubbling passive aggressiveness.

Be emotionally intelligent by paying attention to how others are feeling, not just how you feel. Make managing emotions part of the process. Allow people to vent and express their thoughts and feelings. Listen without judgment, and when it’s time to share what’s on your mind, do it respectfully.

Managing emotions starts with acknowledging them. Let people express their feelings and then direct discussion toward a creative, solutions- focused path. When emotions have been expressed, it’s easier to move a conflict closer to resolution. Never ignore how others feel, but don’t let them dictate subsequent actions and behaviors.

Rinse and Repeat

There are always challenges when rebuilding damaged relationships and eroded trust. When you think you’ve done it all — listened, assumed positive intent, reached an agreed vision and goals, planned and acted, evaluated and celebrated — things may still get off track. Anger could be reignited by what someone does or how they behave.

This is when all involved need to go over their commitments to collaboration and the overall vision. Reaffirm why working together is so important, regain focus on the team’s goals and strive to continuously improve. That’s how progress is made — step by step.

LISTEN FOR MORE

Last Word on Leadership Duo on ‘Unfiltered’

To hear Mandy Flint and Elisabet Vinberg Hearn discuss the Six Superchargers™ for leadership, check out their appearance on Institute for Supply Management®’s podcast, “Supply Chain — Unfiltered.” The episode is available at ismworld.org/podcast or at popular podcast platforms. 

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